


Purple

by KlainebowsAndDramioneflies



Category: Glee
Genre: Awkwardness, Cute, Daddies!Klaine, Fluff, M/M, Sex Toys, famous!klaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 22:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5643943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KlainebowsAndDramioneflies/pseuds/KlainebowsAndDramioneflies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the prompt ‘Cute/funny/awkward fic about one of Klaine’s kids snooping for Christmas/birthday presents and accidentally finding THEIR toys.<br/>I can’t decide if it’d be better with a clueless little kid or one who is old enough to have at least a vague idea of what s/he just found.<br/>If you want to take it to the smutty place after the child has left the room, you can, but it's not necessary.’<br/>Part of the same ‘verse as this drabble: http://archiveofourown.org/works/3800323/chapters/11561638</p><p>Oh, and this is KlainebowsAndDramioneflies, and this will be posted in my Drabble Collection as well. :D</p>
            </blockquote>





	Purple

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [istytehcrawk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/istytehcrawk/pseuds/istytehcrawk) in the [GleePromptMeme](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/GleePromptMeme) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Cute/funny/awkward fic about one of Klaine’s kids snooping for Christmas/birthday presents and accidentally finding THEIR toys.
> 
> I can’t decide if it’d be better with a clueless little kid or one who is old enough to have at least a vague idea of what s/he just found.
> 
> If you want to take it to the smutty place after the child has left the room, you can, but it's not necessary.

If anyone had asked Hepburn Hummel-Anderson what he thought his life would be like when he hit ‘sweet-sixteen,’ he probably wouldn’t have said this. It was summer break, he had a summer birthday, and it was almost time for his party. ‘Almost’ meaning that it was still a week until his actual birthday and his party was a few days prior because “birthdays are family days, Hepburn,” as his father lectured when he complained. Who didn’t celebrate with friends on the actual day when their birthday was in the _summer_? That was just… lame.

 

Anyway, Hep really didn’t think he’d ever have imagined he’d be turning sixteen while his ridiculously obnoxious older sister made out with her punk-rock boyfriend. Was it a boyfriend? Hep honestly wasn’t even sure, since Tracy refused to label herself with any sort of sexuality and the kid she was with was seriously androgynous as _fuck_. Like, dude, Hep was seriously impressed. And a little freaked out. So sue him! He had some limits! Not everyone could just accept _everything_ , jeez. It wasn’t like he was a dick to the… person. Tracy sure acted like he was.

 

So, Tracy was down there sucking face while their dads were who even knew where (probably doing something new to cause them endless embarrassment, the damn famous fucks) and Hepburn was left to search for the car keys he just knew he’d get for his birthday. All while watching little Ellie.

 

His one-year-old sister was… well, she was better than Tracy, at least. She was a surprise, a confusing surprise, and she was a handful and a half. And most of the time Hep was the one who ended up watching the twerp. He did rather adore her, though. The blonde curls and bright blue eyes made her the least like either of their dads, which was fitting, since she was actually adopted.

 

Apparently a friend had a little ‘unplanned miracle’ and wasn’t exactly ready for a baby, and what were the Hummel-Andersons going to do other than take the little thing in? It was perfect timing, too, since Tracy was heading to college around the time Ellie was born. Being there before the birth meant that they even got to name their newest, and little Ellie was dubbed Elizabeth, though Hep never used her full name. That was just too much for such a little girl.

 

“You’re gonna help me find my present, aren’t ya, Ellie?” he asked with a grunt as he tugged a box from a shelf in the closet, only to uncover a bunch of old photo albums and scrap books that he’d seen too many times to count. “Oh Jesus. Why do they hang on to all this crap?”

 

He gave an exasperated huff as he shoved the box back where he found it, only vaguely registering a giggling sound, followed by some kind of vibration, then a familiar drooly coo that meant Ellie had found something to pacify her sore gums. Having a teething toddler was not very fun, in Hep’s opinion. She was cute, but damn. Ellie had some lungs on her and when her teeth hurt… He figured he’d be listening to her crying for the last… sixteen months or so? That totally meant he could deal with it for another two years until he was off to college, right? Cause girls never quite wailing- just ask Tracy.

 

Speaking of, she was downstairs bitching at the boy-girl- _whatever_ -friend right now. Hep rolled his eyes as she lectured, only catching random words but getting the gist of it. Apparently they weren’t working out because relationships were give and take and there was a lot of giving from her and a lot of taking from them and not a lot else and blah, blah, Tracy was done and that son-of-a-bitch could get out of her house and out of her life.

 

Well then. That was interesting.

 

At least it wasn’t like the last relationship that ended because Tracy found out the guy had been stealing some of their dads’ shit to sell on eBay. Yeah… The joys of having famous parents.

 

“Oh, shit!” Hepburn looked into the drawer he’d just opened, eyes bulging. “No fuckin’ way! Oh my God, I so did not need to see all this!” he commented. Apparently his first swear had been loud enough to alert their aging dog to the discovery, because the semi-senile beagle came strolling in, looking around for some excitement.

 

Following the dog was Tracy, who looked oddly calm considering the verbal lashing she’d just handed to her ex-partner. “What are you going on about? Gave Fredo a heart attack, Jesus…” she trailed, eyes glancing down to their baby sister, who was still sucking and nipping happily at the thing she’d found, which was still making that weird vibration noise.

 

“Oh. My. _God_. HEPBURN!” Tracy screeched, motioning at their sister in a panic as if she had no idea what to do but needed to do something. Then Hep’s eyes fell to the baby and the item she had in her mouth and…

 

“Fuck,” he swore, slamming the drawer of sex toys shut and reaching for the vibrating dildo in his baby sister’s mouth. “Oh my God. This is so disgusting. I cannot believe… Jesus, Tracy, help me here!”

 

He motioned for his older sister to hold the younger one as he did his best to barely touch the object, pulling it from her mouth with an easy slide that was just so fucking _wrong_. “The dads are getting in so much trouble for this. How could they leave this out? And they… oh God. They use… Ugh. Bad images! Tracy! Bleach my brain!” Hep cried, tossing the dildo into the corner where it happily buzzed against the floor.

 

Fredo looked like he was about to chase after it, but with a sharp “ _No!_ ” from Tracy, he backed off and sulked out of the room. “I hope you learned your lesson about cheating and finding your presents early, Hep…” The littlest sibling gurgled happily at them both and Tracy shook her head…

 

* * *

 

 

“Wait, you let Elizabeth do _what_?” Kurt’s eyes were about popping out of his head while Blaine rolled with laughter. Literally rolled. He’d fallen off his chair and was lying on the floor howling while Tracy and Hep stared at him with matching ‘ _seriously_ ’ looks with the brow quirked just like Kurt always did. It only made Blaine laugh harder, really.

 

The subject of their conversation was up in her crib, peacefully sleeping, as Kurt and Blaine had come home rather late from a meeting with agents and public relations people that lasted well past the dinner it was meant to take up. When they’d come home, the kids had informed them of their poor choice in hiding places for their toys, such as right out in the open, and Tracy had proceeded to paint a lovely picture of exactly _what_ was now in her sister’s mouth and stomach.

 

Hep was going to have nightmares. Seriously. And he wasn’t even going to mention all the shit he’d seen in that drawer. He shivered and gagged, making Kurt quirk a brow. “Yeah, she had your fuckin-“

 

“ _Language_!” Kurt and Blaine said together, harsh tones and glares on their faces.

 

“-freakin’ sex toy in her mouth. Really, guys? You’re gonna get on me about swearing when I had to pull a _vibrating dildo_ out of your baby’s mouth? Me? Your son? Had to pull your giant vibrating purple dick out of your teething toddler’s mouth. And you’re going to yell at me for my language?” He looked at them incredulously, while Kurt and Blaine exchanged a sour and sad glance.

 

Blaine mouthed ‘ _the purple one?_ ’ sadly at his husband before looking sternly at his son. “You shouldn’t have even been in there in the first place, Hep. What were you doing?” And so he got the confession about his son looking for his present. They also learned why Tracy wasn’t watching the baby, and had to commend her for standing up for herself, even if they were growing a bit worried about the fact that none of her relationships lasted and she was always the one to end them…

 

“Right, well, it was clean so…” the kids both grimaced, muttering about how they really did not need to know before Kurt kept going. “She should be fine. She has an appointment the day after the birthday party anyway with the pediatrician, so we can just get her checked up then…” He looked at his children and shook his head. “Just go to bed, alright? We’ll just… call this an all-around screw-up. For all of us. Good?”

 

They nodded and hugs were exchanged, then Kurt and Blaine were left alone after the sound of Tracy and Hepburn fighting their way up the stairs and to their rooms. “Did you ever think it would be this hard?” Kurt asked with a sigh, falling back on the couch once he heard both doors close.

 

Blaine crawled over and kneeled beside the couch, resting his arms on it and his head on them. “Did you ever think it would be this rewarding?” His eyes twinkled at Kurt, and the countertenor swooned. Almost twenty-three years of marriage and he still got tingles up and down his spine just looking at his husband. He leaned over and softly kissed Blaine’s lips.

 

“No, I never thought life could be so great. I never imagined we’d have three amazing children. Never thought we’d see our names up in lights for real, or break the internet as the kids always complain… I never thought we’d need to replace that purple dildo, either,” he grumped at the last part, and Blaine laughed.

 

“It’s perfectly fine to use, Kurt. We just have to clean off the drool… God knows I’ve drooled on it before…” he wiggled his brows and Kurt shoved him so he fell back on the floor with an ‘oof’.

 

Following his husband, Kurt straddled the man on the floor and leaned down to bite from his ear to his neck, leaving behind harsh marks. “I don’t care how clean it is- I am not using a toy that’s been in my toddler’s mouth! That’s just too many kinds of wrong, Blaine!”

 

Eventually, Blaine agreed, but only because they decided that a little online shopping was definitely needed. And if picking out new toys got them a little over excited, well… What the kids didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them, right?

 


End file.
